Jessica Fae (jessica_fae) wrote,
Jessica Fae
jessica_fae

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Roller Coaster Ride Anyone?

There is always something new around every corner. Some of them are good, some bad.  Unfortunately for me, it seems that little rollercoster got stalled at the bottom of a particularly steap hill. Now, I can look up that hill and see that it's really bright up there, and I know that eventually I have to get there, as it's on the way to the end of the line. Though it seems everytime the damned cart starts to make it's way up, something blows loose in the engine and I roll back down.

A metaphor for everything these days really. But first, let's talk about the biggest thing there is going on in my life. A small country in the Persian Gulf, Qatar. This country, surrounded by lots of water, is quite rich with petrolium, and so while they are quite well to do, there still remains one last problem with this country. It has about 1.6% arable land, and summer time temperatures that cap out over 120 at night from what I've been told. This makes this a desert, which doesn't work well for me. Last time I was in a desert, I had ton of nose bleeds. Heat is not my friend.

I will be spending about three months there, they say. But last time i did math, if I leave May 7th, and get back September 15th, that's not three months. May, June, July, August, September. Yep, that's almost 5 months, not 3, but of course it's typical military math. So 5 months overseas we'll say, to whit the good thing is that I will make tons of money from this trip. Hmn... Money.

So, I found out about this trip while I was sitting at work trying to learn Arabic again and pass my DLPT. I had to try and do class, prepare for TDY to NSA to take a training class, all at the same time. Didn't work very well at all. So I got 1 more question on my test right than the last time I took it, still a shitty score. Still failing. I was told that I'd find out about what is going to be done later. Later, it's always later.

So, the end of my class comes, and I go to NSA. The unit takes five damned days to fax my paperwork, and so I spend a week without money, and feeling frustrated. The class turns out to not be very helpful at all, mostly a review of everything that I learned almost 10 years ago.  One of the briefings we had was also, quite very wrong and screwed up. I was gouging my eyes out trying to keep from screaming at the man to let me brief for him.

Then the weekend came, and my mom came to visit and we did the whole DC thing. I got to see some of the Smithsonian, to include the Hope Diamond, so at least something good came of that. Then I spent three days feeling sick, and dealing with more stupid briefings. After the briefings I had to deal with stupid military people who wanted to keep my schedule from working out the way I wanted. For thiose keeping score, this is now the expected norm.

Alas, here we are, all said and done. Now I am taking a week off to try and recover a bit of my sanity before I go to Qatar. Now, I don't want to go, but before anyone gives me the riot act for that, let me say that it has nothing to do with a fear for my safety or of the living conditions. It has to do with my life personally, and the things that I feel I need right now. It's a matter of issolation, which is something that I do fear. It's probably the only thing I do fear, and I can't stand it. The idea of being alone and issolated from friends, family and other people I care about just drives me crazy. So that's why I don't want to go. For those of you who were wondering. (Admitedly, that's a simplification of the complexity of my psyche, but that's ok.)

Though, eventually, this coster will get to the top, right? I'm sure it will. Hey, maybe this will get me writing more? lol. And hey, there you go crazylikefox .  Now I just need to either write or find a better looking style. Maybe just alther the colors of current ones.
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