May 27th, 2005


Double standards? Or maybe Thoughts of Societal Degredation.

It's 7:32am, 12:32am on the east coast, and I am getting ready for bed. I'm laying here after having watched the movie "Kissing Helen Stein". It is listed as a comedy, but I think it more falls into the category of an 'inde style' drama. It's about a woman who is having a terrible time with men, and ends up answering a newspaper add for a woman seeking a woman. She intends to just be friends, but ends up 'falling in love' with the girl. Things go great for a while, and then she gets dumped because she doesn't have sex anymore. Things work out in the end, with her getting back together with her old boyfriend from college, and having a wonderful friendship with her ex-girlfriend. Really it's a good movie about human nature, and the difficulties we put ourselves through in relationships, and being true to who we are and actually listening to what our hearts are telling us. At least, in this man's humble opinion.

This wasn't my intended topic, but it is where my mind has gone. What is it about our society that sets such strange double standards? If you ask me what I think personally about homosexuality, I will tell you that I do not personally agree with it, but that it is not my place to say that it is wrong or right, nor is it my place to judge anyone by it. In fact, I know several gay people who are amazing wonderful people, and I would never tell them that they are wrong for what they are, nor criticize them for not being like me. Nor would I ever think that they made a bad or wrong decision or have something messed up in their heads or anything like that. I have said those words so many times to so many people, and never really thought about them. Closely.

I think I should clarify what I mean by "I don't agree with it." I mean that, if you look at things scientifically, it is wrong. From a bilogical standpoint, it was not meant to work that way. Male is meant to be with female, that is the way of nature. But, do I really think that is the way I should present that? Or does that acurately describe my actual views on it? I have to say, no. I used to be a very scientifically oriented individual, and on many levels I still am. I love program code, it's clean and straight forward right? I've found that in my later part of my life here, I have really changed a lot from the person I was as a child. No longer do I spend my days with endevors of scientific perfection. Much more I concern myself with artistic expression, and less with facts and figures. Even in programming, for I've learned that it is much more an art form than it is a science. There may be twenty correct wasys to make the words "hello world" appear on the screen, but the diffenect between a programmer and a hacker is the way that it happens. Programmers are simple writers, they get from a to be the same way as everyone else, while hackers are authors, having fun with it and creating a masterpiece.

So no, I can't say that I don't agree with homosexuality at all. I can only say that it isn't for me. Looking at a person's sexual prefernce cannot be achieved by science, because it is a thing of love. What makes a person gay? I have an opinion on that. I believe that everyone is part of a duality of spirit, only one half of a whole. You can never be happy alone, and thus we always seek for the person who makes us happy. Our souls are much more than what we can comprehend, and I say that a person is homosexual because it so happens that their soul mate happens to be the same sex as them. So really, they are homosexual for the same reason that a straight person is straight. Love.

Growing up, I would have described myself as an enlightened scientist. Looking back on it, I say I was a sheltered and unenlightened child. The only belief that I can say with all honestly that I share with my childhood self is that there is someone out there for everyone. Growing up I knew that there was a god, and there was only one, and the only way to be let into heaven was to be christian. I have only told two people of this fact that I am about to write, Michelle Martinez and arie. I know longer am a christian, because I realized that it was stifling me. I realized a larger truth. There is not one god, for there is not one being capable of encompasing all of the diversity of the human Soul. I woke up in my bed, a twin sized bunk bed on the bottom floor of building 627 on the Presidio of Monterey. The bed was made in my home town of Pulaski, VA, a quite ironic thing I noted. The sun was shining through my window, and a crow was sitting there staring at me. It was a morning much like any other, except for one thing. I knew a very profound thing that I had not known the day before. I suddenly knew that there were many faiths and religions all of which were valid. Some, the majority it would seem, fought to keep followers and to make converts. These I realized, were extentions of their deities. I realized that not only had the church fougth to convert me, but so had God. I had felt the 'touch of Jesus' on many occasions, assuring me that I was on the right path. This day however, I heard a different voice. My heart knew that I was not a child of Christ, and that by following the teachings of Christ I was denying my inner self, and who I was supposed to become. Most importantly, I realized that "Christ" had lied to me and told me that the whispers in the back of my mind were the devil trying to tempt me into sin and damnation.
I told this to Michelle because she asked, and she is the only person who has ever asked. She was trying to convert me back to Christianity at the time, so I cannot say that it was due in any part to a desire to understand the world around her or the complexities of human existence. I told arie because she was there for me during a very difficult time in my life, a time when I needed someone to listen. She, of all the friends I have made over the years, was the only one that seemed both able to listen and provide council without forming any judgements upon me. All of my other friends who know of my religious choices (as in they have said, "by the way what religion are you" as most of my friends don't ask) those that do not judge are all very unqualified to give coucnil on those kinds of issues. For many years I searched within myself to find the answers to my religious woes, and eventually I did find them.

After I found myself, I began to realize that I was much different than I thought I was. To be honest, I'm still learning, and it's been almost ten years now. My views on love, sex, marriage, life... all are differnet. Though I still believe that there is one person that we are meant to be with. I just understand fate a little more now, and realize that the collective striving of the souls of all the humans on earth to be with the one they are meant to be with is what shapes the paths of 'fate'. And when two people find each other, their souls meant to be together, nothing can stop that, nothing can tear it apart. Once it is made it will never break. For good or bad, they are always together in their hearts.

But I digress, that is, I believe what makes a person gay. Their soulmate is the same sex they are, and so they seek for their love with their own sex. And seeing as how I believe life is much more spiritual than scientific, why then would I not agree with it? In fact, to be honest, I would have to say my official viewpoint is that it is natural, and they are as much normal as you are I. WE are all human beings, and there is no reason you should treat them different.

With that said, I mentioned societies double standards. Meaning, how is it that it has become acceptable for two women to be lesbians but the idea of two men bothers so many people? I have to admit that at one point I was extremely guilty of this myself. What guy who is into women hasn't thought of two women together? Right? Speaking for myself, I can say that it was more ignorance of my own thoughts and feelings. Two women being together excites me sexually, because I am turned on by women, and well, there are two of them there. The sight of a naked man really really turns me off, and so that is why the idea of two men seems more wrong than two women. That has nothing to do with the acceptance of their sexual orientation, that's purely based on my carnal desires.

When we look at our laws and our society, we have to understand the intent of what we are trying to work towards as human beings, not as Americans or British or Iraqies. As human beings we strive for a perfect society in which everyone is happy. Some people thing that for that to happen everyone must be the same, and so they figure they want everyone to be like them so they don't have to change. But that is not the way of the soul. The soul is a growing diverse and multifaceted thing. As such I agree whole-heartedly with the preinciples upon which the United States of America was founded. Those same principles are why I would have been a member of the Confederacy had I lived during the civil war. No matter what you read in a history book today, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, do not believe that the Civil War was fought to free slaves. Slavery was not the issue of the Civil War and it really bothers me when people teach it as such, and claim that symbols of the Confederacy are symbols of racism. The principle that we all have the right to make our own choices, our own decisions, to decide how we as a people wish to be goverened was the reason for the Civil War. Yes it was sparked by the issue of slavery, but the war was because the Northern Union said that the Confederate States did not have the right to govern themselves, they did not have the right to form their own nation.

Does that not sound wrong when you look at it in that light? What did we as the United States do when England told us that we could not be our own country? We denied them, we took up arms, and we fought for the right to say, "I will be my own man. I will be my own nation. I will be free." The constitution was writen to establish unity. A more perfect Union. A union of Liberty, not a union of control. And it is that basic principle of allowing people to be who they are that I see threatened today by societies double standards of morality and justice.

I bet you that George Bush has thought of two women together before, and I bet that it didn't 'sicken' him. Our laws are straight forward concerning the governing of religion and descrimination. They prevent it. To even attempt to pass legistlation governing who can and cannot marry is an afront to all that the constitution stands for.

Article I: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speach, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

To say that a church cannot mary, or must mary, two individuals is a direct violation of this article of the constitution. For it is making a law prohibiting the free exercise of religion.

To deny them access to public funds and programs because they are of the same sex, is an act of discrimination based on creed.

How did we find ourselves at a point in time where our goverment espouses the end of discrimination while our president pushes to have it writeen into our very constitution?

All of this has been very jumpy, and I've left my original line of thinking a couple times, but it comes down to what's wrong with our thinking? In my world, my fantasy world that I am creating, I have found that many things are different. As much as I worked into the initial creation of the world mass racism as a point of conflict, specifically between humans and elves, it is hard for me to maintain that level of hatred and absurdity. I seek a world that is righting it's wrongs I guess, not one that is starting to turn back and repeat their mistakes.

My recommendation is to see the movie, it's good, but a little slow. I enjoyed it despite that fact, and I think you might too. And for anyone thinking it, be as a reason not to see it or one to see it, there is no nudity in the movie at all. No hot steamy lesbian sex scenes to disgust or excite.

Those are my thoughts and now I must sleep, it's almost 9 (2eastern).
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