Jessica Fae (jessica_fae) wrote,
Jessica Fae

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Being Lazy or Just a Few Bad Weeks?

So, I've been meaning to write this entry for a while now, or rather, I should say I've been meaning to write an entry. I've started several, on several different subjects, but never have I manage to finish one. I've been so damned lazy lately that it makes me sick, though I guess that I honestly have an excuse.

You see, the quick version of the story is that about April the Air Force messed up my pay, which is nothing new, and I got paid a whopping $400! My rent which was due at that time was $600. Now, this lead to immediate problems that I tried to handle with haste, however, the military did not cooperate. I came home to find a very uncool eviction notice on my door. So, at this point I'm faced with two choices, do I A, pay my rent with my government credit card and then pay it back when they fix my pay? Or do I B, get evicted and expect the military to fix that too?

Which would you choose? Which would the military recommend?

I chose to pay my rent, but the military would have preferred if I'd gotten evicted. As such, that lead to my getting put on extra duty for 30 days. Which is actually letting me off light for what they could have done to me if they had wanted to. What that means is that for a period of 30 days I will work 12 hours a day if it's a normal work day, and 8 hours a day if it's a normal day off. Oh gods this is like so much worse than when we went to war, at least during the war I had a constant job.

So, there is my reason for being so lazy, but if you ask me, it's still not a real excuse. I have also been doing PT, which on some days I think is good and others I think it sucks. It's definitely a good thing for my health, though I don't like the whole, "You will do what we say, how we say, when we say, with who we say" aspect of it. Call me crazy, but the military has seriously turned me off to that.

One thing that this whole PT thing has brought painfully to the forefront of my mind is how far I've fallen away from the shape and motivation I used to have. At one point in my life I was testing for three ranks in Oh Do Kwon Tae Kwon Do at once, a feat which has only been done about once before in the US (well under the main Tae Kwon Do association's approval anyway), and now I'm unable to even run a mile. Admittedly, I failed to complete the 2 and a half hours of constant exertion that it required to make three ranks (though I did make two before my body betrayed me), but I was begging them not to drag me off the floor after I collapsed, I was damned and determined to complete that test. I was not going to quit. Now, when it hurts, I stop, I don't always push as hard as I could.


Another thing I've done insane amounts of lately is think, as that's about all that this schedule affords me the time to do. You know, doing the whole "taking stock of your life" thing. I have decided I hate the person that the military has made me. When I'm at work I'm so not me. I'm so pissed off and angry and always upset. That's not me, I'm not like that. I'm a very laid back person, or at least I used to be. I should still be. Fucking military.

Aside from my times of deep thought and borderline homicidal rages at work, I've been neglecting my website. I have so many ideas I want for it, but never get them done. I did manage to get my computer re-installed though. I have a fresh Gentoo installation with KDE which is awesome. I love it. It's bootstrapped and absolutely optimized for me. :) The only thing that could make it better is if it were a 17" G4 PowerBook.

I am now going to go to bed. Hopefully my actually getting an entry written means I'm nearing the end of this funk. :) Only 5 more days till I get a day off! WEE!

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