Jessica Fae (jessica_fae) wrote,
Jessica Fae
jessica_fae

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Nothing in particular

Well, where do I begin? That's always the hardest part about one of these entries you see, where to start. At least, it is for me anyway. I have been meaning to write an entry about my thoughts for a long time, though I always end up staring at the blank white space and never writing a thing. So many thoughts swirling in a typhoon of indecision and apathy, enough to smother even the best of intentions. But, a few days ago someone said to me, "You never write anything about your personal life in your journal?"

It's not that I don't, merely that I haven't in a very long time. The last months have been quite hard, and generally not so very enjoyable. They have been spent living for the few moments where I actually end up out doing something with friends.

The single largest source of stress in my life is my job. Hands down nothing puts more pressure on me than it does, and that has started to bother me of late. I don't like the fact that I hate work, that I dread having to go in, and that I pray for it to be over quickly. And on top of it all, the job has utterly drained me physically as well as mentally. I come home from work and lack the energy to do anything but lay down and chat with friends.

A couple months ago I got an Article 15. The simple short version of the story is that in April my pay was messed up thanks to an Air Force mistake and I got paid $400. After a bit of trying to figure out how to pay my bills, and losing my cable entirely, I broke down and used my Government Travel Card (GTC) to have rent money, and then paid it back after my congressman fixed my pay. This produced unauthorized charges on the GTC, so when a records review was done it was found, and I was summarily sent for punishment. Now, I know the rules, and I fully accept my punishment as the consequences of my actions. What I do not accept is the attitude with which my superiors handled this.

Words cannot describe the depths of hypocrisy and frigidity that I received. The people who tried to claim they were just looking out for me treated me like nothing. They did not ever listen to a word I had to say, never tried to understand. I was actually told, "next time you should get evicted from your apartment before using the GTC for something like this." Can you believe that? That statement is completely inhuman if you ask me.

Aside from the blaring disregard for people the Air Force itself seems to have, I have a boss that is the worlds largest asshole. He does not intend to be I don't think, but he is. He plays the favorites game all the time, it's so annoying. Also, he seems to constantly try to make my life worse. I'm sure he doesn't specifically target me, but when he keeps trying to find excuses to tell me I can't take leave after I shoot down the ones he comes up with, it doesn't do much to strengthen his position.

Outside of work, things are ok I guess. James and Chris were supposed to come down after James gets back from California, but now they might not be coming at all. Chris is starting a new job and so probably can't, and James lost his base driving privileges for 6 months. Mike was scheduled to be here already, he's coming TDY to Fort Gordon, but he's on hold now. They told him, "You're going, be ready to leave the second we finally say you can leave." Talk about annoying.

Yesterday I went to play D&D. This is a good sign, I'm actually getting out and doing something in Augusta besides sitting at home. I mean, I get out, but it's just usually when I take the time to go somewhere other than Augusta to visit friends, as I really don't know many people in Augusta. D&D itself was pretty fun. The DM is very close to my views on how D&D should be, with the only exception I've seen so far being his views on magic. He actually loves the idea of spell memorization and preparation, I hate it. But hey, I'm not playing a mage so it doesn't matter that much hehe. He uses the same character creation methods I do, he is very party xp oriented, and he doesn't believe in killing the party for no reason, but he also believes if you are stupid and don't run from an obviously over-powered foe, then he'll kill them. He's pretty good at his adventure crafting, and I did enjoy the game.

The best thing though was the people. Everyone was really cool, and I think I got pretty lucky in that respect. Jenn was absolutely hilarious! That girl is just a nut. hehe. She was running around trying to knee suits of armor in the groin, jumping on people's backs to try to stop them from fighting in town, and of course causing me to get tripped up and fall flat on the ground when I'm trying to help the dwarf out in a fight. It was fun.

Now I am going to try and relax before I have to go to work and take a pt test, and try to figure out what the stupid security investigator wants to talk about tomorrow at 11.
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